Well after being referred to a clinical psychologist to discuss the “head stuff” I was feeling quite excited, however as I left the consultant she commented on the fact I had lost 8lbs in weight – due to a dose of Swine flu! – and said “Well done, maybe when I next see you you could have lost another 10lbs”
OK, panic set in – I had lost the weight before Christmas 2009 and managed not to put it back on by the time I saw the Consultant at the beginning of January, but after that comment I went home and ate my way through everything – toast, the remnants of the Christmas cake, snacks, you name it, if it wasn’t tied down – or on someone elses plate – I ate it! By the time I saw the psychologist at the end of January – thankfully she had a cancellation as I was told it would be a 4 – 6 month wait – I had gained 4lbs!
Through my sessions with the psychologist I came to realise that I felt I had to live up to other peoples expectations of me. That I was being very self critical and condeming myself for reactions to events that were natural and that I was using food as a comfort in difficult circumstances. Together we explored what I thought my roles should be – as a wife, mother, daughter, professional. I also learned through some suggested reading about how I had learned to react to situations and how unhelpful much of this learned behaviour had been to me and my health.
It was as though someone had lifted a lid on a whole lot of stuff that I had buried. I cried, got angry and upset and started to feel as though I was coming out from under a cloud. I am still a work in progress. I have lost 4 stones in the past year and have another 4 or 5 stone to go. I haven’t decided yet where I want to end up exactly but I do want to lose another 4 stone over the coming year.
I will share some of the things I have learned that I hope others can benefit from. I am starting a weight loss support group to benefit others as well as myself. During hour long weekly meetings I plan to share much of what I have learned over the past year. I am undertaking a course in obesity and weight management to ensure I have up to date knowledge of nutrition and research findings. I hope to offer an alternative to slimming clubs and other “quick fix” solutions being offered to people who despair of ever being and feeling healthy and fit.
So my next post will deal with what practical steps I took to change my lifestyle in order to achieve weightloss and how I discovered the power of mindfulness.